"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast"
-Oscar Wilde
Brilliant at Breakfast title banner "The liberal soul shall be made fat, and he that watereth, shall be watered also himself."
-- Proverbs 11:25
"...you have a choice: be a fighting liberal or sit quietly. I know what I am, what are you?" -- Steve Gilliard, 1964 - 2007
"Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." -- Molly Ivins, 1944-2007

Over 7000 8000(!!!) Posts and over 1,000,000 pages served

"For straight up monster-stomping goodness, nothing makes smoke shoot out my ears like Brilliant@Breakfast" -- Tata
"...the best bleacher bum since Pete Axthelm" -- Randy K.
Friday, October 31, 2014

Happy Halloween!
     This is one of my favorite  jpegs ever out of the countless thousands I've used and made over the years, this one having been used as the lead image from probably my favorite (and longest) Assclowns of the Week ever, the Halloween edition from 2005.
      Of course, the scariest things facing us this Halloween will fill up more Depends adult diapers than anything we'll see on the Main Streets of America tonight. Wendy Davis is losing to FDR's evil twin (aka Greg Abbot) by 20 percentage points, according to one poll. Nate Silver's saying the Republicans actually have a 62% chance of retaking the Senate as well as holding on to the House. Greg Palast and al Jazeera recently exposed a 28 state Republican plot that essentially purged 7,000,000 voters off the rolls for the flimsiest of reasons, if any at all, and no one's doing anything about it.
     Not that he's been any great shakes but if the GOP grabs control of all of Congress, Obama's basically going to be the lamest of lame duck Presidents and for the next two years will be like a house nigger with a 500 pound ball chained to his ankle until his house arrest is over in 2017.
     And you idiots will have no one to blame but yourselves. If the last midterm election's any indication, less than 37% of you morons will come out to vote, which is typical for midterms because maybe you think your guy or gal can't possibly lose or because the White House isn't at stake. Such thinking is what gave the Republicans the fucking House in 2010.
     True, we'll win some races but we'll lose even more because you couldn't be bothered to get your doughnut-distended derrieres off your aptly-named Laz-E-Boys. And if the GOP takes the upper chamber, well...
     ...Well, even if there's some truth to the persistent liberal hope that Obama would finally pull out all the stops and go all Nat Turner on the GOP's fat, pasty ass by doing the things we've been waiting six years for him to do, well, that sandbagging will have to continue for another two years because a GOP-dominated Congress ain't gonna let those goodies out of the bag.
     No, it'll be all tricks and no treats until January 2017. Darrell Issa's endless hearings on Benghazi and Fast and Furious will continue and the Speaker of the Oompa Loompas will continue his frivolous lawsuit suing the President for something, anything and "I" word will continue to be The Topic on the Washington DC cocktail circuit.
     Greg Abbott will get elected and Texas will turn redder than Karl Marx's asshole after a Commie gay sex orgy because you lazy losers decided to stay home. And if you think I'm wrong or pessimistic about what I'm saying here now come back to this forum this Wednesday morning and show me how I was wrong. I'll be live-blogging Election Night here for the one or two people who will care to come here but mark my words: There won't be any major surprises on Super Tuesday. This is one time when I believe most of the polls.
     And those who didn't vote will piss and moan while playing Wednesday morning pundit that gerrymandering is what did us in (you know, the same shit we were puling about after Election Night two years ago). But gerrymandered districts do not account for Republican victories and will not work if you still get off your asses and vote despite all the stumbling blocks the vote-caging fascists of the GOP throw between you and your polling place.
     Because, while the latter-day Democratic Party has the cajones of a Ken doll, they're not the ones who are nakedly and viciously grasping at every and any opportunity to disenfranchise you and your vote. The GOP and their corporate employers are against you breathing, eating, marrying within your gender, your children getting to live out their lives and are successfully selling the only commodity they have: Hatred, bigotry, fear and division.
     The GOP this year is the same one as the election cycle before that and the one before that and the one before that: They are the party of Old, White Male Oligarchs who shouldn't have enough people in their base to carry hundreds of elections yet somehow they do. Because you Democrats and Independents can't get off your asses and drive the mile or two to your polling place and give ten minutes out of 24 months.
     So if you didn't vote, I don't want to hear any shit from you on Wednesday about how it sucks that Wendy Davis got steamrolled by Greg Abbot's wheelchair or how unfair it is that Scott Walker got re-elected or that Paul LaPage got re-elected Governor of Maine by double digits. Gerrymandering and racist Republican dirty tricks wouldn't work if Democrats and all people of conscience get the fuck out and vote that conscience.
     Because of you don't, every fucking day and night for the foreseeable future will be a real life Festival of Samhain.
Bookmark and Share
Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Good Times at Pottersville, 10/28/14
(A Brilliant at Breakfast exclusive.)

Bookmark and Share
Monday, October 27, 2014

Good Times at Pottersville, 10/27/14

Bookmark and Share
Sunday, October 26, 2014

Sending healing thoughts to Kevin Drum
Posted by Jill | 5:01 PM
Kevin Drum, one of the first bloggers I read regularly, and the father of Friday Cat Blogging (without which we might not have Keyboard Cat, Lil Bub, Grumpy Cat, Maru, Sparta the Mean Kitty, and other celebrities of the feline world), is battling multiple myeloma. Hematological cancers are more treatable than they used to be, but he's got a rough road ahead of him. So we send our brilliant-est best wishes and hope you will too.

Labels: ,

Bookmark and Share
Sunday, October 19, 2014

Good Times at Pottersville #24

Bookmark and Share
Thursday, October 16, 2014

Give Old White Pervs Like Me a Break

By Cyril Blubberpuss, Esq.
     I was just saying to my butt boy the other day as I was gently trying a new cigar cutter on his pinkie that 60 year-old white guys like me have it too rough. The liberals are screaming that we make too much money, don't pay enough taxes, that we victimize the weak and poor, never face criminal justice, "Affluenza", wah, wah.
     Then John Grisham descends from the heavens like a naked Martin Mull on a clam shell and helps set things right.
     In a limey newspaper, Grisham inveighed against 60 year-old white men like us getting sent to prison for downloading kiddie porn after knocking back a few too many single malt scotches. Now, liberal muck-rakers like the perennially jobless loser who's the, er, "proprietor" of this left wing sewer of a blog may read too much into that. JP would say something like, "What about black or Latino kiddie porn surfers?" or "I'm assuming this is Grisham's tacit admission that only old, white pervs do this."
     But Grisham is spot-on. Surfing through kiddie porn sites is a victimless crime simply because we look but don't touch. Why, I'm sure the under-aged runaways who frequently pose for their legions of white, late middle-aged male fans get compensated very well for their work. And once you get up to 13-15 years of age, these wily young entrepreneurs and artisans fully know what they're doing and are every bit as much the hard-nosed negotiators as their Wall Street counterparts. Trust me, they don't all live under bridges in Seattle and dumpster dive at McDonald's as Rush says.
     What Grisham was kind enough not to say, and what I will admit here, is that the 60 year-old white guy to whom Grisham was referring, his friend who went away for 10 years for downloading kiddie porn, was actually my kid brother Cecil. Cecil was at the Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street one night in 2004 and had one or two too many Glenlivets. Actually, he rarely goes to the Stonewall but he loves the fact it's on Christopher Street and the very name conjures up images for him of a short-pantsed Christopher Robin of the Winnie the Pooh books, with whom he'd always had an unhealthy fascination.
     Anyway, he finally pours himself into a cab, goes back to his loft in the Village, and essentially butt-dials a porno site on his cell phone, only with his fingers. Anyway, without knowing it, Cecil finds himself in a chat room in which other like-minded men are sharing pictures of these young beauties who never seem to smile or look happy. Eventually, he found himself in a drunken dialogue with another middle-aged white man whose handle was "EIB69", someone who said he was in the radio business. Before Cecil knew it, he woke up naked in the middle of his living room, his laptop's monitor covered with dried semen and his hand on his sated but withered phallus.
     Well, Holy Goebbels, before he knew it, the FBI knocks on his door before breaking it down, finding my poor kid brother in his state of dishabille. On the monitor was a picture of a nude young gentleman who looked suspiciously like Justin Bieber and after scanning the contents of his hard drive, charged him with downloading kiddie porn.
     So, if Grisham was referencing my kid brother, he wasn't actually telling the whole story. Cecil got sent to Riker's Island for just three months while our late father Ambrose worked his magic and blackmailed a judge who was also an aficionado of the same website. Oddly enough, Cecil was extremely reluctant to leave Riker's mumbling something about a life-altering experience in the prison shower. Anyway, bottom line: Cecil got sprung and there his internet-surfing activities were put to an end. As part of a special plea deal, the prosecution compromised by ordering an electronic cock ring to be put around Cecil's member so that any tumescence could be measured in real time so the cause could be investigated.
     Or it could be Mr. Grisham was directly referencing "EIB69", who's still in the radio business and works from home in Florida. Although, if this EIB69 is who I think it is, he never spent a single day in jail even after he was caught coming back from Hispaniola years ago with some doctor's Viagra on his carryon.
     Then again, Mr. Grisham could making up the whole anecdote and that perhaps he doesn't actually move in those seamy circles. That's what writers call "poetic license."
Bookmark and Share
Monday, October 13, 2014

Good Times at Pottersville, Columbus Day edition
(A Brilliant at Breakfast exclusive)

Bookmark and Share